Why do others seem happier?
You sit comfortably in your room, casually scrolling through your phone. A friend has posted a picture proudly showing off their brand new iPhone. Suddenly your heart sinks. Your perfectly good but slightly outdated phone now seems inadequate. Your mood darkens. You feel restless. What just happened?
Why do you feel this way so quickly, so automatically? That small feeling is jealousy. It shows up without warning, and when it does, it wraps its fingers tightly around your peace of mind, and it rarely stops with just one thought. Throughout the day, your mind keeps going back to that phone. You search for prices, read reviews, daydream about holding it. But deep down, it’s not about the phone. It’s about the feeling that you’re somehow behind, less successful, less fulfilled. Later the same day, you see something else, your ex smiling in a post, clearly moved on, happy with someone new. This time, the feeling is sharper, a stab in the gut. The jealousy has grown legs now. It’s not about things anymore. It’s about people, about happiness, about worth.
And suddenly, you’re wondering, why did they get to be happy first? Was I not good enough? Did I not give my best? Why does life feel like it’s always working out for someone else, never for me? Why do we get jealous? Because somewhere deep down, we’re scared we’re not enough, because someone else’s happiness feels like evidence that we’re failing, because we look at someone’s highlight reel and forget our own story. We start believing there’s only so much joy to go around, and if they have it, maybe we’ve lost our chance. It feels personal. It feels unfair. And worst of all, it makes you feel small. Jealousy happens when your mind believes that your value depends on what others have. Their wins feel like your losses. Their joy highlights your lack. Jealousy hijacks your focus. It drains your energy. It makes you resentful, bitter, restless, and worst of all, it makes you forget who you truly are.
You can’t focus. You can’t enjoy what you already have. You can’t sleep in peace because deep down, your mind is not thinking clearly. It’s reacting. It’s trapped in the loop of comparison.
Envy and attachment are natural responses of the senses. But if you let them control you, they will obstruct your path. Your happiness is not found outside you, not in a phone, not in a relationship, not in someone else's timeline. Envy arises when you believe someone else’s life is more complete than yours. But what if the truth is your life already full, but you’ve stopped seeing it clearly? When you’re jealous, you’re not really angry at the other person. You’re disconnected from yourself, from your sense of wholeness, from your purpose.
You’re looking at your life only through the eyes of what you don’t have. This is why envy feels so consuming. It touches a very raw place inside, the fear that you are not enough. But what if, what if this jealousy is actually a signal, a call to pause, a call to look inward? And when you feel jealous again, pause. Ask yourself, “Can I use this energy as inspiration instead of self-hate?” Instead of saying, “They have it and I don’t,” say, “They have it, and that shows what’s possible.”
Envy doesn’t have to be poisonous, it can be fuel if you hold it with awareness. Your ex’s happiness, it’s theirs. It doesn’t take away yours. Your friend’s new phone, it’s a device. It doesn’t define you. Your path is your own.
- Inspired by Pause with Dharma
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